Reasons to Love Mo Willems

Gerald is careful.  Piggie is not.

Piggie cannot help smiling.  Gerald can.

Gerald worries so that piggie does not have to.

Gerald and Piggie are best friends.

I love it!  I think I need someone to worry for me so I don't have to anymore.

The last week or so of my life has been so incredibly beyond ridiculous.  I don't even know what to say about it!  I figure I should type out a test run of my Weekend In Review since I'm sure I'll be telling it to everyone I see over Christmas. (Is anyone else as frustrated by those repetitive conversations as I am?  "How's school?" "How much longer do you have left?" "And you're studying what, again?" "And have you found that special someone?" Ugh!)

So, Friday was supposed to be my last day of student teaching.  Thursday as I left school I decided to move home only half the instruments I'd dragged into school, so I left my bassoon and Houghton's oboe to take home on Friday.  I would have taken my bassoon home first but I wanted to do some Christmas shopping on my way home and didn't want to leave the one instrument I actually cared about in the car while I putzed around Borders.  This, I suppose, was mistake number one of the weekend.  

So Friday morning I wake up to cries of excitement coming from our living room.  "Snow day!!"  Rebekah was thrilled because she'd never had a snow day before (silly homeschoolers!) and while we all were a little disappointed to not be going in for our last day, everyone else was at least comfortable leaving everything they had left at school there for the rest of break.  I couldn't, however, go home without my bassoon.  Mistake number two of the weekend was deciding to wait until Monday to try to get into school to get my bassoon.  I figured surely they would have school on Monday as the last I'd heard was that the weather would be clearing up.    So, rather than leaving on Sunday like I'd originally wanted, I decided to wait until Monday morning to leave so I could get to school.

Well, of course there was a snow day Monday as well.  Of course!  But I couldn't stay in my apartment another day--our lease was up!--and I didn't want to spend the night at Sarah's (mistake number 3!) so I decided to try to get into school and get my bassoon.  The janitor was out snow blowing so he let me in, and I figured that would be the greatest obstacle of my day.  

So, naturally, just about 20 miles from the PA/Ohio border--where I've heard the roads magically became crystal clear--the snow and wind picked up like crazy and I couldn't see and I slid into not one but two cars that were on the side of the road.  I sort of bounced off the first and stopped when I hit the second.  Conveniently, both the folks I hit--who were in fact mother and son--were very friendly, as was the random stranger who pulled over to help, and the police officer.  And no one was hurt and I think my car got the worst of it, but it still left me stranded and in western PA for the night.  Ugh.  

So I puttered to a hotel just off the interstate and got a room for the night and called home to figure out what to do.   My car might have made it home but certainly not through the snow and I didn't want to risk it.  We decided it would be best for me to fly homeand thankfully my family found remarkably cheap plane tickets out of Erie, through Philadelphia... at 6 in the morning, which was less than ideal, but they were cheap!  Unfortunately, that meant I had to do something with all of the stuff in my car.  So, just a few short hours after having dragged it all down the stairs and into my car--through the snow!--I again found myself lugging half my life's possessions (the other half are at Sarah's for break) through the snow by myself.  My family thought the best plan would be to mail everything home, but in my one (and only) good choice yesterday I realized that Jenna lives somewhere nearby and I called her.  She agreed to come get my things and house them until after break, but not until after I'd already moved everything from my car into the hotel. (Again. In the snow. And the dark. By myself.)  But, thankfully, Jenna came and brought me Christmas cookies and spent the night with me and made me feel so very, very much better about my life.  But not before--oh yes, it does indeed get worse--I lost my cell phone moving my things from my car to the hotel.  Though, of course, after Jenna showed up I helped her stuff my things into her car... bringing the total number of times I've moved half my life's possessions in the dark and in the snow to three.  Ugh.  

So, to review:

• Locked my bassoon at school over a 4-day weekend thanks to two snow days
• moved all my things by myself in the snow
• Crashed my car
• moved all my things by myself in the snow...again.  And cut my finger on a box and couldn't find a bandaid anywhere at the hotel. (I forgot to mention that part earlier)
• Lost my cell phone
• moved all my things in the snow...but with Jenna's help!

But, in all fairness, things I'm still happy about:

• I'm fine (ok... a little sore. But uninjured!)
• The other drivers are fine
• I had a place to stay
• Jenna came and brought me cookies and saved my stuff and calmed me down and in general was wonderful
• I still have a way home

My life is ridiculous!  

Thanksgiving

Cliche, yes, but good for me none the less.  In keeping with the Jacqui Sheehan Happy List tradition, a special Thanksgiving Edition of Things That Make Me Happy:

• Violas!  While my violin and cello have made me happy all semester (and indeed, for as long asI 've known them), I must admit I'm quite excited to have a viola as well.  I should clarify, I suppose; yesterday Daryl agreed to play for the quartet for my recital, along with Clara and Micah.  I think it will be so much fun to rehearse with them next semester, and I'm quite excited to have people I love so much playing such a huge role in something that is so important to me.
• Though I imagine it will still change, I have music picked out for my recital and I like all of it.  The newest addition to my rep is the Handel bassoon concerto in c minor--which isn't french!  (It's the only thing I have picked right now that isn't.)  If you're as dedicated to my recital rep as I am, you can listen to decent chunks of it here, over on the left side.  It is, naturally, the concerto for bassoon--not harp, viola d'amore, or oboe.  
• I love teaching.  I'm not grouchy about going to school every morning, and that's wonderful.
• Despite not being able to go home, I do get to see a number of people I love this weekend.  I am quite excited to spend time with people who are so dear to my heart, even if we're not related.
• I'm very glad that Sarah's family is so wonderful and loving as to not only invite me over for thanksgiving but demand my presence.  They are delightful people and I am quite blessed to know them and have them looking out for me.
• I am eternally thankful for my "Houghton church."  Menno is wonderful and fantastic and filled with people I love who love God and each other like crazy.  And, they sing in harmony.  All the time!  And in different languages!  I know you shouldn't pick a church based on music, but as a musician it is pretty important to me and the worship at Menno is so honest and fulfilling that I think it's ok to say it's a pretty big factor in why I love Menno as much as I do.  It is community in a fantastic way and I love every minute of it.  My single greatest regret about college is having waited until I was a junior to start going to Menno.  I drive down--an hour and 15 minutes!--almost every weekend so I can go to church. I love it. LOVE!  
• I got to talk to Dana yesterday, which was wonderful and hadn't happened in far, far too long.  I love that girl and I'm very excited for all the fantastic things going on in her life.
• Looking ahead, I think I'll be able to visit a number of very dear friends over Christmas who I haven't been able to spend time with in a very long time--I haven't seen Jeannie since before college!  I'm very excited to hopefully spend time with her and a few others.

What are you happy about?

Twice in one week? What?! I know, you must be overjoyed.

This is the seventh weekend in a row that I've come down to Houghton. Every Wednesday, without fail, it makes me grouchy: "I'm paying rent for an apartment I'm never in!" I just want to stay home and sleep in and watch westerns. But then as the day goes on I warm up to the idea: "Tomorrow is Bagel Day and then it will be Friday and then I get to go to Houghton!" and for some reason being able to assign tasks to the days makes them go so much faster. And true, I'll be a little grouchy on the way down to Houghton, thinking about how gas is a WHOLE FRIGGING DOLLAR cheaper in Indy and how despite Speicher's gas sale on Sundays, driving the hour and fifteen minutes to Houghton and the hour and fifteen minutes back is still more expensive than staying home.
But, this is the seventh weekend in a row that I've been absolutely overjoyed to be at Houghton, at least once I got here. The first time--seven weeks ago--I told everyone quite plainly, "I won't be back for a month. I have too much to do." And then I came back the very next weekend because Bekah said she would drive. And there have been two Artist Series, and the fantastic Fall Festival, and a long weekend in between placements, and three weekends in a row of snuggling with the wonderful Laura Day (much to the frustration of Shane). There's something so wonderful about being at Houghton. I'm even happy to see the people I don't really like as much, because they're just as much a part of Houghton as the people I do like.
I just finished reading The Shack and while my feelings are mixed--I think it's maybe a little predictable and cliche, though I know it keeps getting rave reviews so I hesitate to admit it--I also admit that I tend to be very stingy with my praise and I have to admit that it did make me think and it did make me cry and I'm not sure what else I expect out of a book before I'll call it "good." Anyway, one of the themes is about God's love. The character of God keeps saying she is "especially fond" of different characters, which at one point prompts the main character to ask if there's anyone God isn't especially fond of. She replies of course not, that she is especially fond of all her children, and relates to Mack (the main character) that it's much the same as how he loves all of his children. As I finished up the book today, nestled into the overstuffed chair in the campus coffee shop with a pumpkin spice mocha, I couldn't help but look around at the other people in Java and think that I am especially fond of each of them. And as I wound my way through the music building, tucking notes into mailboxes and borrowing no less than three instruments for school, I couldn't help but think that I am especially fond of everyone in the music building--even those pesky singers who had taken over the recital hall in their funny dresses. I find that I am quite fond of just about everyone here, and it's so nice to have a place where you know you'll like everyone you bump into.

It upsets me that as soon as I've run out of things to complain about, I stop talking. It seems easier to say whiney things to the internet because no one has to deal with them, but I suppose you (whoever you are) may be interested in the nice things in my life.

I'm at my second placement now and it's FANTASTIC. I'm working with fourth and fifth grade beginning band students and they are adorable and so, so, SO well behaved! I get along a lot better with my teacher and I get to sleep in until 7 every morning and basically my life is wonderful. Isn't it disappointing to think of 7 as sleeping in? But it is and it's nice.

How are you?

For those of you who were concerned, never fear--I remedied the Eric Whitacre situation :D

I think I associate fall with music more than any other season.  In middle school I was always excited to get back to school and start playing again after the long summer of keeping my flute tucked under my bed or in the back of my closet.  Even now I admit I don't practice as much as I should over the summer, and by August (and even the end of June) my heart aches for new music.  And of course, in high school fall meant marching band!  Sure, it started in June but fall was when it mattered--the crisp air at football games, hearing Mr. Slightom over the PA announcing the show, long hours taking the same steps over and over again in the high school parking lot until they were perfect and permenant.  Having cheerleaders come up to me as drum major and say how much they appreciated all the work the band put into football games and tailgating parties, and how much more fun things were when we were there.  

And now I think of all the wonderful autumnal joy in the TFL--hand turkeys and pressed leaves and apple cider and that mischevious crock pot.  Playing with prospectives at Music Opportunities Weekend--and having all of them make hand turkeys, too!  Missing and reminiscing about student teachers who are missing and recent grads, and getting to know new grad students.  And last year, terrorizing each other with El Methods songs, welcoming songs for back-to-school and fall songs--halloween!  Yesterday Nicholette and I sang "A Famous Man" in celebration of Columbus day, and I hummed the Christopher Columbus song from the Y to myself, too.  I love hitting that point in the semester where there's still time to have coffee dates, that sweet lull right after a concert and right before Christmas music.  I love the beginning of Recital Season, singing the Doxology in the atrium with harmonies like there must be in heaven (of course, tuned to Chelsea Keane!), and the smell of flowers and candles and warm cookies rising over prayers of thanksgiving.  I love mingling after recitals instead of practicing or getting homework done or going to bed--and I love sitting in the hall right above the atrium and watching everyone else enjoy each others' company.

And of course, I love fall as a new (student) teacher.  I love the smell of freshly-sharpened pencils (remember the box in the TFL?) and the joy of sweaters and name tags and seating charts, the anticipation and a level of preparation that I won't have time or energy for again until next fall. I love browsing through J.W. Pepper and seeing what might be good for christmas or spring concerts, hearing drum lines from other schools practicing from my open window.  I love looking for school supplies, touching different notebooks to see how the paper would feel under note-taking, being absolutely obsessive over highlighter and pen colors.  I. love. fall.

And that, more or less, is what I think about when I hear "October."  I remember hearing it as a freshman when wind ensemble played it; I remember hearing it when Avon (I think?) used it in their marching band show--chilled fingers curled around chain-link fences, ears straining to hear from the wrong side of the field, breath visible in the dusk and caught by the beauty of the moment.  

October

It just occured to me that I've made it all the way to October 9th without listening to Eric Whitacre's "October." Something must be wrong with me!
I think I'll fix this over lunch today....

I neglected to mention a few other things I wanted to share that make me happy:

• Bekah pointed out a sweet Canadian jazz station to me on the radio.  (I spend a lot of time in my car.  It's not healthy.)  I spend most of my radio time going back and forth between it and the amazing classical station buffalo has, 94.5 WNED.  WNED keeps me pretty entertained--I love the morning anchor, with her somehow both chipper and soothing "good morning!"s, but sometimes you just can't handle any more harpsichord and for those times I've turned to 91 Jazz FM.  It's depressing sometimes, because they say the weather in celsius and that makes it sound SO MUCH COLDER--and trust me, it's already quite cold!  But I enjoy listening to the djs bicker back and forth, and their canadian accents entertain me more than they frustrate me, which is good (and quite different than my opinion on the buffalo accent).  Anyway, yes, I am lame enough that a radio station seemed blog worthy.
• The heat in my apartment is free.  Have I mentioned recently that it's cold outside?  Because it's really frigging cold.  Like, unseasonable-even-for-NY cold.  Not quite freezing but seriously....cold!  I'd had in my mind for a while that I should just wear a sweatshirt, and then today I remembered--we don't pay for heat!  I turned it on and cranked it up and now my apartment is nice and toasty. Mmmm.
• After much searching, I found a recording of the string/bassoon quartet I want to have on my recital.  I spent the better part of two days hunting for it online--there's only one CD of it!  I really didn't want to actually order it if I could get it online, and I found it Monday.  Our music store delivery guy came in last Friday while I was hunting for it, and because he's pretty much the nicest man in the world he asked me about it today.  I shared with him my jubilation over having found a recording, and offered to play a little of it for him.  We ended up agreeing to trade mix cds next friday, which is goofy but I'm excited.  Have I mentioned I spend A LOT OF TIME in my car?  I'm all about finding new music to listen to. 

So, after all my whining and complaining, the past week has been good.  Thursday night the boys apartment had us over for dinner and it was amazing!  I knew Jesse could cook after the Physics Pancakes, but I didn't know Chris could and I was way impressed by both of them.  We stuck around and watched the office and I learned that Chris and I are a lot more alike than I ever thought--he likes How I Met Your Mother!  I'm slowly winning over all the student teachers--Bekah is on to season two! :D  Friday Bekah and I went down to Houghton for the Rastrelli Cello Quartet artist series and it was amazing.  They only play music that was written for other instruments. They're fantastic! And, it's always nice to be at Houghton.  

Bekah and I spent the night, and then Saturday we hurried back after Bekah was done working to start working on dinner.  CMENC always buys a block of tickets to the BPO season opener, and this year it was Itzahk Perlman!  We invited everyone who was going over for dinner, and we got home with less than an hour to clean the house, cook, shower...cook!!  A lot of people couldn't come for dinner because of a Philharmonia rehearsal, so we invited the rest over for dessert after and we ended up having all but 2 of the Houghton folks over either before or after--that's 28!  It was crazy packed and SO HOT in our apartment, but it was so great to have company... and the leftovers are good, too :)

This week has been iffy at school, but today was a major accomplishment: my teacher has to start writing lesson plans!  Ridiculous that he doesn't, right?  Anyway, the principal finally, definitively got on him about it and now he has to write and submit them.  This means I get to know what I'm doing before I do it! Yesss!!!

How are you?

Ok, not gonna lie: this is pretty emo.  

Student teaching makes me really, really grouchy.  Like, really, a lot.  There are certain things Houghton said I would get out of this experience that I'm not, and expectations they have of me that I can't meet because of it, and it makes my life harder and that makes me grouchy.  Last year when I was chaplain of the whole frigging music building, I put forth a lot of effort to try to make sure that everyone's needs were being met.  I was on three different music building cabinets advocating for the well-being of each organization's constituents, and I did a lot to make sure that people were being cared for across organizations because there was a lot of overlap that often got ignored.  And now I feel very strongly that my needs are NOT being met, and it pisses me off even more because I'm still a little in "take care of people!!" mode.  I don't want to be specific, because I feel like that's not really appropriate.  But I'm grouchy and it's no good.

Situations are occuring that make it harder for me to succeed, which is really discouraging as a student teacher.  The point of student teaching is to see what works for you and what doesn't work for you and what works for other people and to make sure this is really what you want to do and that you won't fail miserably at it after you graduate.  I feel like I'm not getting as much valuable experience out of this as I could if things were different, and it's really upsetting to me.  The past week or so I've been wondering if I even want to teach, because it's just not good right now.  I hate waking up for school, I hate getting ready for school, I hate driving to school, I hate being at school, I hate prep periods, I hate lessons, I hate band, I hate after school, I count down the minutes until the drive home.  And that's not the way it should be.  And the students are great, and the music is fine... I'm just not ok with the way certain people are handling certain things, and it makes everything else not ok at all.  Rrrrrrr!  I've really been thinking--is this what I want to do?  I say things won't be like this when I'm not a student teacher--when things are all up to me--but what if they are? What if they're worse? What if I really do suck at this and I'm just blaming the situation? And the fact that everyone else is really happy student teaching makes me think whenever I complain that I'm just not cut out for this, because if I was then why isn't anyone else having problems?  I know the problems aren't my fault, but what if they are?

and I know things are going to get better, but I'm secretly, deep-down really a huge wuss and I'm afraid that the getting better process will suck more than the problem itself, like having to pull a bandaid off.  I never pulled bandaids off when I was little--I just waited for them to fall off in the bath.  I'd much rather just bide my time in a less-than-ideal situation than do something uncomfortable to make it better.  Thankfully, however, it's not up to me: someone else has ahold of the bandaid and whether I like it or not they're going to pull. 

AGH! Less than ideal.

And, of course, this is what I'm doing instead of writing lesson plans and going to bed.  So much for going in early tomorrow to practice.  In other news: I think my recital will be all French composers! I'm not really sure how I pulled that off, but I'm so excited! (and terrified)

Admitting Defeat

So, after 5th period today my teacher sent me home.  He was convinced I would get him sick, so he got rid of me, both for my sake and probably his.  I have to admit, I was relieved.  I could have made it through the day, but it wouldn't have been pretty or at all enjoyable.

I. hate. being sick.  Sneezing is really high on my list of things I hate, somewhere right around singing in public and going to the dentist.  But my housemates are (almost) all very sympathetic, and I did enjoy my nap this afternoon.  I'm at starbucks now because I had to email Mr. Stith--he's coming for my first observation Wednesday--and there's a very nice man sitting near me.  He heard me sniffling and expressed his sympathy: "allergies are terrible this time of year!"  I corrected him that I "just started teaching" and that my kids have already gotten me sick, and he asked if I was a kindergarten teacher.

Why am I NOT a kindergarten teacher?  

Anyway, it warmed my heart.  It probably had a lot to do with the fact that my hair doesn't do anything other than pigtails, so that's the "ewww I just woke up" hairstyle I'm rocking right now.  Anyway, I'm going back to bed now... yes, at 7:45.  Being a grown-up is lame!

So, my students have already gotten me sick.  I woke up Friday morning with a sore throat that has blossomed into quite the cold, and I'm pretty upset about it.  I haven't been sick at all since... April? So I suppose I shouldn't be that grouchy, but at the same time I feel like I have every right to be grouchy.  I mean, I had a camper SNEEZE ON MY FACE this summer and never had so much as a sniffle.  A week and a half with middle and high schoolers, though, and I'm miserable! Punks.

I had a wonderful time at Houghton this weekend!  It's so weird to be on campus but not living there or taking classes.  I spent some lovely quality time with some wonderful people, caught a little more than half of one of the Hamlet Week Hamlets, watched Hot Fuzz in the "sketchy corner" of the campus center basement, and basically lived in Java.  Mmmm.  

Today I made soup, in an attempt to kill my cold.  Mid-souping, however, one of our pepper shakers popped open and I dumped SO MUCH PEPPER all over the stove and kitchen floor!

The soup was fine, but it was still quite a pain.  

So, this week didn't start out so great.  Monday my cooperating teacher sent me home with a HUGE stack of scores--7?--to look through, making it sound like no big deal... and then at the end of 6th period asked me to spend all of 8th period middle school band rehearsing one of them.  Gee, thanks buddy.  Then afterwords, of course, we spent a good 20 minutes or so discussing how it went (not so hot, thanks to my minimal prep time!).... My teacher needs to work on the GNP "praise-suggestion-praise."  Just a thought.  So I went to tuesday night sem quite grouchy, and of course tired... And I didn't want to drive myself to sem, since Katie and Bekah were already going, but they wanted to go out for wings after--which is fine, except for that whole I-don't-eat-meat thing.  But we went out, and a lot of the other student teachers came as well and it ended up being a very nice time.  

I was still pretty grouchy yesterday, but today we started pull-out lessons and it. was. wonderful.  We're starting with the high schoolers (middle schoolers are my favorite), but it was so nice to have something to do every period.  The last week I've just had two classes every day--in the 8-block day--and so much down time has been KILLING me.  I get so sleepy and grouchy just sitting in the office doing paperwork or watching my teacher type out emails soooooo slooooooooowly.  But I enjoyed sitting in on the lessons today, and actually learning some students' names--and having kids stop me in the hall and say "Hi Miss Mayo!"  It was wonderful.  Also, the high school band has been practicing marching during class for the homecoming parade in October.  I. LOVE. marching percussion!  I tend to get in trouble with my teacher, because I want them to be BOA good, and that's just not where this school is.  At all.  By any stretch of the imagination.  Like, they don't even have a marching posture.  Seriously, kids--SET!  It means nothing to them.  If they were my band, they would be running SO many laps and doing crazy pushups.  But they aren't, and that's ok.  It still warms my heart to hear drum cadences and see guard flags, even if they are just practice flags and everyone's out of step and it sounds questionable.  It makes me think of the beginning of the season, early summer, when everyone's still excited to be there and cute little freshmen look scared and intimidated and new seniors are starting to be leaders.  I love it.  Mmmm...I love band.

Also, I'm going to Houghton this weekend! How exciting, right?  Bekah has to go down for a piano lesson, and pestered me to come with her. But she has to be there by 4:30, and I usually don't get out of school until at least 4 so there was no way. But! The orchestra director is flying to Virginia for the weekend for a... wedding shower?... and her husband couldn't get out of work to take her, so I said I'd drive her since the airport is so, so, so close to my apartment.  She wants to be at the airport around 3, which gives me plenty of time to get to Houghton with Bekah!  Mrs. K just told me she needed a ride for sure today, so I'm quite excited.  It's funny how I've spent the past 3 years trying to find excuses to leave Houghton, and now I go out of my way to find excuses to go back.  But, I'm excited. 

What are YOU excited about?

Student teaching is going well so far, despite a million (some-not-so) little stress inducers that should be driving me crazy.  Like that my school is forty-frigging-five minutes from my apartment, or that my GPS sent me down a road with a closed bridge the first day, or that the second day I was so nervous about meeting kids for the first time I left my lights on all day and had to get my car jumped, or that when the secretary called maintenance they said they weren't allowed to jump cars (but no worries! The Transportation folks are!), or that my football game Friday night got rained out during the second quarter, or that I have to wake up really early, or that my apartment doesn't have wireless so I'm paying to use Starbucks', or that gas is like 50 cents more expensive in NY, or that I didn't actually get a key to my apartment until Wednesday despite having lived here for like a week and a half at that point, or that I still can't check my mail, or that my cooperating teacher doesn't like lesson plans and straight up told me he wants me not to "depend on" (read: use) them and that he'll steal things from me.  Oy.

But! It's not so bad.  I like my school and the kids are (mostly) very well behaved, though they are quite chatty.  I like the other teachers I've met so far and I don't even mind the drive, just that I have to wake up so early to accomodate it.  Thankfully, school doesn't start until 8 AM so I don't have to get up as early as I expected... though I am still waking up at 5:30.  But, Friday I slept in until 6!  (So depressing, right?)  And I'm learning my way around Cheektowaga and Akron quite well.  My apartment is nice and close to Tops and Target and Starbucks, which are really all I need in life.  And I love, love, love my apartment and living outside of Houghton.  I love Houghton, don't get me wrong--I miss the people and being able to walk everywhere and stars and a practice room and my heart breaks because I can't go to Menno every Sunday.  But it's so nice to be able to go to Target!  Or to run to the grocery store whenever I need to.  Or to spend hours and hours people-watching in a big, comfy purple chair in Starbucks, though admittedly I did that all the time down in Java.  But I love my apartment, with its balconies and nearby laundry and playground and my wonderful roommates (even Katie).  I love watching Smallville--or, really, anything!--with Sarah, because she gets so involved and it cracks me up.  I love, love, love living with Bekah--she is wonderful.  I'm quite jealous of Allison getting to live with her for the last three years!  I love living with other student teachers, and working with teachers.  Even though poor Sarah has to hear us babble on about music lessons all the time, she loves it--she went to the school Katie student teaches at, and was in band--and she loves middle schoolers too, so we talk about them a lot and it's wonderful.  And I love cooking, even though I haven't very much yet.  Basically, I am happy.  I'm completely terrified of the future, but I'm sure that one day I'll be good at all of these little things that scare me.  I'm this weird mix of scared and nervous and completely content.  

How are you?

Umm... hi.  Sorry I've been secret blogging.  I've been thinking a lot about the weird role blogging plays in society and I wanted to see how I felt about writing the same sorts of things without an audience, I suppose to see why I was blogging and evaluating the merits of my motives.  But talking to Dana yesterday (two days ago?) made me realize that when I was secret blogging I wasn't real blogging and now she knows nothing about my life.  But I'm not too keen on new xanga, so here I am.  I'm still not sure how I feel about the student teaching updates, but what I have to say will be here.  In other news, a quick summer wrap-up in pictures:

first,  Physics of Music. POM was so hard, but very interesting. I'm not sure it made me a better musician, but I'm definitely more of a snob now.  And look! I can use a calculator!

I came home... and went to the zoo. 

We visited my brother and his fam in Wisconsin: this is my sister and her kid Hannah, my brother and his kid Ramona. They're a few months apart in age.

Melissa and i went to the dunes and it was gorgeous.

And the state fair! I like animals.

And now I live here!

And, oh yeah... I drive this :D

Well. I start teaching in 2 weeks.  How crazy is that?  Before that, I'm...

• getting my eyes checked (hopefully tomorrow)
• leaving for NY Friday
• getting there and moving in Saturday
• Going down to houghton, getting my things out of storage and then back to Buffalo
• Driving Katie and Jody to the airport (I think) Sunday
• Trying my best to settle in
• Trying my best to assemble bunk beds Monday
• Flying back to Indiana Wednesday
• Yeah, that part's ridiculous. RIDICULOUS!
• Back to NY Sunday
• Driving to Menno, fingers crossed
• Sleepover with LD
• Making pancakes for her floorlings
• student teaching orientation on the first 
• Yes, that is a national holiday. So?
• School orientation on the second
• Teaching on the third. Eeep.

Two weeks ago, I referred to the week (quietly and to myself) as The Week in Which I Make Plans that are Completely Unlike Myself and Then Back Out At The Last Minute.  This is the week of Sucking It Up and Doing Things Even Though They Make Me Uncomfortable. (I think June will now be The Month In Which I Use Titles That Are Entirely Too Long.)

O LORD my God, I called out to you for help and you healed me.

He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.

Blogging Happens More When I'm Bored

I never know whether or not to capitalize every word in a blog title. Thoughts?
Oh, right. No one reads this. Nevermind.

I just wanted to brag about scoring a free lesson (though I do feel pretty crappy about still not having a job).
And about an awesome new uke site I found.
And I wanted to mention that Carnival of Animals by Saint-Saens is AMAZING and that I think Bekah and I are going to play "Elephant" for our recital. You should Ruckus it. Go! I downloaded the album that also has Ravel's Mother Goose Suite and, of course(!) Dukas' Sorcerer's Apprentice. I am too much of a wuss to play that at my recital, but I can play enough of it to impress children at school concerts, and that makes me happy. Anyway, I am rather fond of the narrator on that album, though I'm not sure who he is. Johnny Morris? He's no David Attenborough, but he is quite good.

Catch Up, Mustard!

I know, I know.. I hate puns. But that one is probably my favorite. I'm not sure if you're allowed to have a favorite in something you don't like, but I hate that one a little less, ok?

anyway.

Semester? Decent. Too big to talk about, really.

Finals? So many of them were performance that actual finals week wasn't so bad. I totally choked on the "List the three minimalists we've studied in class" question in music history (this might have something to do with me not going to class for a week, but only one of those was my fault!)... so I answered "Philip Glass, Philip Glass, and Philip Glass." It's funny if you know who he is, promise.

Week at Bekah B's? Homeschoolicious. Which is odd, because, "how can you want to be a teacher if you were homeschooled?" But I like Bekah B anyway, so I'll let the intense homeschooling slide (just this once. I know, this post is all about exceptions.)

Physics of Music? oh-holy-crap. I took Mandarin Chinese as a foreign language for two years in high school, and for the longest time it made no sense at all. (it was, after all... chinese.) And then one day I decided to just accept it. "Ok, Chinese. That 'H' looking thing is a horse and those boxes are mouths and when you put them together, it means...mother. Sure Chinese. I'll take your word for that." And then this funny thing happened: it made sense. One day, I totally understand how a little man wearing a hat represented the number 6, and why the word for tea had hair in it... Made total sense. And PoM was kind of like that. Once I just accepted that there is no way any of it will ever make sense, I was pretty decent at it. Unfortunately, I didn't accept it until after my 46% on the midterm. Oops. But, overall, I got a B, which is totally good enough for me. And, we went to Darien Lake (in the rain) and I had numerous coffee dates and watched quite a few movies (that may or may not have contributed to the 46%).... so, probably not the worst class ever. The best part, however, was probably when our TA (grumble) had just finished (butchering) explaining something long and complicated on the board, and had written out a number of practice questions next to it for us. He gestured vaguely and asked "clear as Chinese?" and I could honestly say that no, Chinese is considerably clearer.

And now? I'm home, have no job, have no car, nothing to do. I don't have any new music yet, so I find myself quite unmotivated to practice. Woot?

Things That I Miss Terribly

It's like a happy list, but retrospectively.

1. Orchestra. For reals... HS orchestra. There's something completely different about the cultures of orchestra and band programs, and orchestra? Way better.
2. People at Houghton
3. Being able to walk anywhere I need to go
4. More people at Houghton
5. Menno
6. Free coffee from Diana, and sitting over at that table where Java employees sit, talking to her about life.
7. Having a practice room
8. Seriously... people at Houghton.

In other news

1. There was just a J.G. Wentworth commercial that was supposed to be like an opera.  It warmed my heart, even though I should probably have thought it was stupid and poorly-composed and I'm pretty sure it was making fun of opera.
2. There's no such thing as normal life.  There's just life.  I have trouble remembering that.

1. 
   

MHis IV

Things that have no place being on my study guide for my Music History IV Final:

1. Synesthesia
2. Le Corbusier, a famous architect (read: not musician)

Synesthetes that would make my Music History IV Final more exciting if I was studying them instead:

1. Kanye West
2. Wassily Kandinsky
3. Duke Ellington
4. Eddie Van Halen
5. John Mayer

Let's catch up.

1. The opera went from terrifying to decent to horrible to awful to fired. "Fired" is a misleading term, because I wasn't getting anything from the deal... but it's the word that sounds the best when I try to explain it. I have a number of things to say on the matter... few of them are appropriate, for an equal number of reasons.
2. Thursday at 11 = Percussion Tech concert (playing snare, timp, cymbals and guiro)
3. Friday at 7 = Spring Band concert (playing bassoon)
4. Saturday at 7 = Gospel Choir concert (singing alto) (singing! eep!)
5. Friday (4/25) = Spring Orchestra concert (bassoon/cb)
6. Saturday (4/26) = Jazz Band concert (trumpet)
7. Sunday (4/27) = gospel choir run-out concert (alto)
8. Some time that week (of Monday 4/21) = conduct Symphonic Winds for Inst Conducting final (baton) (Percy Grainger's Lincolnshire Posy: "Lord Melbourne")
9. Some time the next week (Monday 4/28) = jury (Ferdinand David's Concertino)

And of course, almost all of those concerts want me to bake for them. What do they think I am, made of free time? And those are only my performance commitments!

I'm quite overwhelmed.

It's time for a happy list.

• Despite all of my worries that the opera would EAT MY LIFE, rehearsal actually let out close to an hour early last night. I took great advantage of the extra time; having already told Ken I couldn't come to jazz band I went home and got a head start on my study packet for InstMeth.
• Mr. Stith let me borrow his score to Lincolnshire Posy for my InstMeth study packet. It's kind of a big deal--the score was worth $30 when it was purchased nearly 20 years ago. It smells a little like dirt. There's something so fabulous about holding a real score instead of photocopies or excerpts. To a real peice of music!
• Said Lincolnshire Posy score has a "Grainger Glossary" in the back. That means I don't have to make one myself for my InstMeth study packet, which saves me quite a bit of score-scouring for tiny print.
• I got a 110% on this morning's Music History listening test! Quite reassuring, considering last time I got a 65% on music that was much easier to listen to.
• I thought I had a lesson this week, but it's totally next week. Amazing.
• It's sunny. Cold, but sunny.

I am often in awe of the number of people God has given me to love, especially in and around Houghton. Of course, I know I'm supposed to love everyone. But some people it's easier than others, you know?
One person I'm not always so committed to loving: Percy Aldridge Grainger. We're spending a lot of time together, and my feelings for him are as sporadic as his feelings on everything--sometimes I read a quote from him that swells in my heart or resonates deep in my music ed soul... and other times I find him frivilous and eccentric, tempermental, indecisive. He was an odd duck. Alas, he promises to be the majority of my spring break--though I will of course be cheating on him with Ferdinand David and Fernand Oubradous... maybe some Orifici for good measure? And there is always the possibility of Mozart....

What is it in a musician that drives them to become so overcommitted? Dear Houghton College: Please restrict ensemble participation. What? You can't fill all your ensembles without overtaxing your students? Well, I'm sure that's a great way to increase enrollment. I know you get upset when you bring tour groups through and there are clusters of us napping, paper-writing or making coffee in the hallways, I know you want us to do those things in our dorm rooms, but quite frankly--most of us have forgotten where they are! Please, let us out more often. Music majors deserve breaks, too!

Despite being on break, Wednesday I went to a UIndy guest recital and in a few short hours I'm going to the Symphony.
And to think that sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice in college.

Bassoon!

It's here. And it's beautiful. It's had a tough life so far, moving from Germany to PA to a freezing cold FedEx truck

to a clueless post office

to my 74-degree, 32% humidity practice room

to the Buffalo Airport, to the DC airport, and then to my house. Crazy. But it's beautiful and wonderful and I love it.

I think it's a girl. But the jury is still out on a name, so for now we're sticking with "the baby" or "the bassoon." This may seem ridiculous, but the name is an important thing to get right. The Bassoon and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together, hopefully, so it would be terrible to be stuck with a lame name like "Gunther" or "4real". It's a serious matter.

Yesterday was more emo than I had intended. I appologize. In my haste, I forgot completely about the Babysoon shower!

The Third Floor Lounge, which is quite possibly the best group of people ever, threw me a baby shower for my bassoon. Bekah told me that she and Clara were having coffee at 3 and that I should come. Instead, I took a nap. As I was slumbering, it occured to me that something must be up because Bekah doesn't drink coffee. When my alarm went off at 3 I turned it off and went back to sleep, deciding that was more important than third-wheeling. At 3:20 I awoke to both a phone call and Bekah knocking on my door. In my sleepy stupor I found myself led not to the coffee shop but up to the TFL, where I was met with loud cries of "SURPRISE!" There were brownies and cranberry bread, and a lot of people had made me cards. We played baby shower games and even Prof Cacie showed up with the little one. It was one of those positively wonderful moments that make Houghton a survivable place.
<3.

Appalacian Springs

It's over. It went well, but I would like one more concert. One more run through. No more rehearsals, no more practice... but one more chance. It's hard to put away a well-known work. It's hard to know that I'll probably never play Appalacian Springs again. Some music I'm happy to put away, despite knowing how great it is. But man... I could really go for one more. There were little parts where I didn't do so well, and a lot of parts where it went better than I anticipated. I know a lot of people made mistakes, but they didn't bother me very much. But there was one part... I forgot what key signature it was in, and I played a wrong note, and it's not even a huge deal, but it was a pretty exposed part and while I covered...decently? At least, people have been nice enough to not say they noticed. It's still gonna bother me for a long time.

Musicians.

The thing is, when we say "my ______ hurts," what we mean is "my _____ hurts and I'm afraid it won't get better. I'm afraid my career is ending, right now, and that I'm powerless to stop it. I'm afraid that this thing I've put so much time and money and work into is going to be useless, because how many Leon Fleischers can there be?"

So. When you hear a musician whining about their shoulders or their wrists or their whatevers, cut them some slack. It's scary.

So this one time (a year ago) I was at work and we were discussing our V-day plans or lack thereof. Naturally, I was in the "lack thereof" group, and someone jokingly suggested that another one of the "lack thereofs" and I should make plans with each other. The other Lack Thereof (clearly intimidated by my beauty, right?) awkwardly blurted out--"I'm not desperate enough to go out with you!"

ow.

And of course he appologized, and of course he didn't mean it the way it sounded. And it didn't really bother me, because I knew it wasn't what he meant. But since this is the best (only?) valentines day story I have, I figured I would tell it. Just for the hell of having one.

So I had this weird experience today.

I should back up.
Somewhere around two years ago, as often happens when people go to college, some friends of mine decided that a friend of theirs was quite like me. And as often happens, when we eventually met we kinda saw it but not really, and were perhaps a little weirded out but eventually moved on with our lives. Occasionally such a meeting ends in offense, but I don't particularly recall being offended in this instance, though I suppose it's entirely possible that not-me was offended at the thought of being like me.

So I had forgotten all about this, but this afternoon I was skimming through Facebook and encountered Not Me's wedding picture. In addition to being, in general, a gorgeous picture, I noticed: Not Me was wearing a wedding dress that I myself desperately want.

What the crap, Not Me? What the crap?
Is it not enough that you get to hang out with all my old friends?
That you managed to snag a really great guy?
FRIGGIN CUPCAKE TREE??
Is all of that not enough for you?
Couldn't you at least have an ugly dress? Please?

I was quite devistated to realize: I'm the lame Me. I thought she was my doppelganger, but no--I appear to be her's. It's an odd feeling, to think that someone out there is more successful at being you than you are.

"If I should ever die--God forbid--let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED FOR THE EXISTANCE OF GOD WAS MUSIC." -- Kurt Vonnegut

seriously... I. do. not. understand how people can listen to music and not believe in God.

What's the deal, heart? Why can't you just be happy? I swear, there is no pleasing you.



Also, what's with EVERY music major suddenly working out? How am I supposed to be skinnier than everyone else when everyone goes to the gym?


Also... Jeff Quay. Maybe life changing. I can't get him out of my head.

Early Semester Jitters

I suppose I should have finished talking about Christravagansmas, but the rest of it was quite uneventful, as far as Christravagansmases go. New Year's Eve, as we all know, is "the biggest letdown of the year," so how about we ignore that too?
Sunday I made the epic trip back to Houghton with Becky, Lis and Kat. Over lunch at Kat's house we decided to call ourselves Becky Miller and the Carnivores in the Kitchen, and somewhere in PA we realized that all of us but Becky have March birthdays.
Classes started yesterday. It's JANUARY, and the high was 63. Nice, but ridiculous. I was overwhelmed by my classes, but mostly because I kept forgetting that this semester, my tuesday-thursdays are actually harder than my monday-wednesdays, so I kept panicking, unable to imagine how I would possibly survive. Then this morning I slept in until around 9, and that made everything seem much more survivable. We played through chunks of Copland's Appalachian Spring (the chamber version) in orchestra yesterday, and despite practicing it for hours over break I was still thoroughly overwhelmed, though mostly from switching to a different copy of the music that didn't have all of my notes and scribbles, and from all the jumping around we did. Thankfully, it's the only song I'm playing for orchestra, so I'll have plenty of time to spend with it (in a perfect world, at least). And then there was jazz band.
Every instrumental ed major has to take at least one semester of jazz band, in case we have a jazz band of our own one day. I completely agree with this requirement, I think it's absolutely necessary and something that most instrumental majors don't have nearly enough exposure to. But. Most instrumental majors don't play jazz instruments. This sucks for the performers, this sucks for the director, and this sucks a lot for the poor trombonists who have to sit in front of me and listen to me play trumpet. This is an unfortunate situation for everyone involved.
Other quite serious concerns for the semester:

• a REALLY HARD concertino for my jury, and super-intense two-hours-every-other-week lessons... and needing to find the focus for yet another Vivaldi concerto
• working up the patience for 2 classes a day with Mr. Stith. He's great, but I would still like more variety in my professors. He teaches half of my classes this semester. And he's my advisor. And he's in charge of two cabinets I serve on. On Tuesday/Thursdays, I have two classes with him in a row.
• being unemployed. Seriously. I go to the only college in the world that runs out of custodial jobs. I can't work for Phonathon any more because of recitals, jazz band and orchestra. I could almost work for telecounseling if I applied, but I'm pretty sure they don't have thursday openings and I would still have to get subs every time there were recitals. So I guess I have to hunt down a cafeteria job, which I was really hoping I would never have to do. Nothing against the cafeteria... except I don't want to work there. It's hot and smelly and I don't want to, so there. But I also don't want to be poor, so I have to find something.

On the bright side, however:

• I never connected that my art teacher and "that lady at my church" are the same person. Did I mention I'm taking an art class? heck yes. I'm a junior, and this is my first elective.
• I went to the gym yesterday. Not having a job gives me time to work out (good for my body, bad for my bank account), and for now at least I have time to work out every week day without having to be up at the gym at 4 in the morning. Thank you, night classes that ruined my longstanding employment
• I have a reasonable practice schedule, if I can kick Dan out of the room every morning
• I have a recital buddy! Bekah is pretty much my favorite in every way possible. She's my favorite accompanist, she's my favorite not-actually-study-buddy, she was my favorite aural skills buddy, hopefully we'll live together next fall for student teaching, and now she's my recital buddy. Yay recital buddy!
• Herrmann is loaning me two of the (quite pricey!) books I need for this semester. He assaulted me while I was book-buying yesterday and made me put two of them back. This saved me a lot of money that, since being unemployed, I don't have.